Friday, September 19, 2014

On Hate and Forever Families

Sometimes hate is heavy. I feel it a lot and have felt it a lot throughout my entire life, even as a child. But, I don't think that you can just stop at the feeling, because hate does more than just feel heavy. It is heavy. It is a weight that brings down anyone who stands in the realm of its large umbrella and everyone and anyone that is even semi-close to that person. It ripples throughout the world like a drop in a pond, and well, with so many drops going into the ocean of a world, it was no surprise to me that I had started to feel it crushing my body, my mind and my spirit as I sat next to my two year old daughter who lay trying to fall asleep. I was so anxious I literally couldn't hold still. Thoughts of hate all around the world were getting to me. ISIS. Hitler You Camps. Israel and Palestine. Father murders his children. Man found dead in park. I-15 washed out. I felt like I was going to explode under the weights of everything becoming so negative in our world. I started breathing deep in and out, telling myself to relax and calm down. Anxiety attacks are nothing new to me. But it wasn't doing anything. I asked Heavenly Father to please help me feel some light and ease from all the stress, and I turned and looked at my two year old daughter. Angel face. Her two hands smashed together in a prayer position underneath her cheek, making her lips pop off of her face like a kissy fish. Her perfect porcelain skin and the peace that was visible throughout the entire frame of her little body. How was I going to protect her from that hate? How, when I know that extreme hate is only growing even in my own country, can I have enough faith in myself to know I will do the best by her? I can't. I started thinking what was the worst that could happen? We all die. No, the worst would be being separated from my family and not knowing where my children were. Then what could I have faith in? It hit me hard. I could have faith in her. I could have faith in Heavenly Father. The tension in me released like the air in an untied balloon. Who am I to only have faith in myself? Why do I have to think I am the only one that can prevent things or make things okay or protect my kids from hate? I need to learn to give credit where credit is due. Regardless of parenting, my daughter was born with a character unlike any other. She will grow to be brave, strong, independent, smart, helpful, hardworking, peaceful, passionate and loving. They are gifts she was born with. They were given to her and can never be taken away. And who am I to forget about Heavenly Father and His plan? Christ will return for the second time, and he will rule all of the earth. Hate will never triumph over love, no matter how loud it screams, destroys and kills for attention. The love of Christ is what will heal the earth and the hearts of men. After death, I will see my family again. I know I will be with them forever. Life and work will continue in the afterlife and things will only get better. I believe that The Church of Jesus Christ of Latter-Day-Saints is true and I am so thankful for a knowledge that brings so much more comfort than anything else. Heavenly Father knows us and what we need, and I am so grateful that he knew I needed angel children to teach me more about life than I could have ever learned on my own.